American author (1842-1914)
Year, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
COWARD, n. One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Patriotism is fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave and blind as a stone.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A Cynic Looks at Life
If you would be accounted great by your contemporaries, be not too much greater than they.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
When the young die and the old live, nature's machinery is working with the friction that we name grief.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
BATTLE, n. A method of untying with the teeth of a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
For nearly all that is good in our American civilization we are indebted to the Old World; the errors and mischiefs are of our own creation.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A Cynic Looks at Life
What a woman most admires in a man is distinction among men. What a man most admires in a woman is devotion to himself.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Adam probably regarded Eve as the woman of his choice, and exacted a certain gratitude for the distinction of his preference.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
ABSURDITY, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Civilization can not be put into a ship and carried across an ocean.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A Cynic Looks at Life
A cheap and easy cynicism rails at everything. The master of the art accomplishes the formidable task of discrimination.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Peace, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
APOLOGIZE, v.i. To lay the foundation for a future offense.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
When you have made a catalogue of your friend's faults it is only fair to supply him with a duplicate, so that he may know yours.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Snow pursued by the wind is not wholly unlike a retreating army. In the open field it ranges itself in ranks and battalions; where it can get a foothold it makes a stand; where it can take cover it does so. You may see whole platoons of snow cowering behind a bit of broken wall.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"The Night-Doings at Deadman's"