American columnist & editor (1926- )
The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.
DOUG LARSON
Reader's Digest, vol. 136
If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.
DOUG LARSON
attributed, If Ignorance Is Bliss, Why Aren't There More Happy People?
The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.
DOUG LARSON
attributed, Quotable Quotes
To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.
DOUG LARSON
attributed, Quotable Quotes
A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.
DOUG LARSON
attributed, Great Funny Quotes
More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.
DOUG LARSON
attributed, Better Off Wed
Fancy Restaurant: one that serves cold soup on purpose.
DOUG LARSON
attributed, A Treasury of Humor
Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
DOUG LARSON
Woman's Day Magazine, Aug. 2011
Heredity is a splendid phenomenon that relieves us of responsibility for our shortcomings.
DOUG LARSON
attributed, Quotable Quotes
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
DOUG LARSON
attributed, Phillips' Treasury of Humorous Quotations
Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.
DOUG LARSON
attributed, Quotable Quotes
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.
DOUG LARSON
attributed, Dictionary of Quotations
Establishing goals is all right if you don't let them deprive you of interesting detours.
DOUG LARSON
attributed, Quotable Quotes
Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap.
DOUG LARSON
attributed, Quotable Quotes
Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.
DOUG LARSON
attributed, Pooped Puppies
Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.
DOUG LARSON
attributed, Words from the Wise
People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.
DOUG LARSON
attributed, Quotable Quotes
Autumn is a season followed immediately by looking forward to spring.
DOUG LARSON
attributed, Quotable Quotes
Democracy is a system that gives people a chance to elect rascals of their own choice.
DOUG LARSON
attributed, Great Sayings and Quotations
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day weekend.
DOUG LARSON
attributed, Phillips' Treasury of Humorous Quotations