My life is one long blooper reel!

Sometimes I get so frustrated with my computer, I feel more like booting it OUT instead of booting it UP!

You know you're getting older when you notice that more and more history questions happened in your lifetime!

If it wasn't for procrastination ... I'd have nothing to look forward to tomorrow.

Happiness doesn't depend on how much you have to enjoy ... but how much you enjoy what you have!

It's no surprise the 'Good Old Days' seem better than the Present ... They've spent more time in Editing!

I play golf religiously. If I make a shot ... it's a miracle!

There're so many ads on the Internet these days, they should call it the InfoMERCIAL Superhighway!

You know your life needs more excitement when your greatest challenge all week is removing the lint from your dryer's lint-screen all in one piece!

You'll never put your troubles behind you if you're afraid to turn your back on them.

Nobody knows what the future will bring, but it's a good bet that there will be a delivery charge.

I've finally reached the age where my Wild Oats have turned into All-Bran!

It can't be a good sign when your fortune cookie starts out with "Are you sitting down?"

The only time it seems I manage to pack up my troubles ... is when I take them with me on a guilt trip.

Whoever said "You can't buy love" probably never went into a pet shop!

Multi-tasking means you can make five mistakes in the time it used to take to make just one!

It's kinda scary when a doctor asks your price range!

Money talks. Mine is always saying "Spend me!"