Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
ANONYMOUS
Hockey is figure skating in a war zone.
ANONYMOUS
Have patience. Everything is difficult before it is easy.
ANONYMOUS
I'm a nervous flyer, and it doesn't make it any easier when I get to the airport and see the sign TERMINAL.
ANONYMOUS
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
ANONYMOUS
Life has never given me lemons. It has given me anger issues, anxiety, a love for alcohol and a serious dislike for stupid people. But not lemons.
ANONYMOUS
Reputation is made in a moment. Character is built in a lifetime.
ANONYMOUS
Dear sleep, I know we had problems when I was younger ... but I love you now.
ANONYMOUS
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
ANONYMOUS
Sometimes when you think the storm is coming to rain on your parade, it's actually there to water your garden.
ANONYMOUS
During sex it's perfectly fine to say "YEAH", "YES", and "OH YES", but how awkward would it be if someone kept screaming "YEP"?
ANONYMOUS
A teenager is someone who is well prepared for a zombie attack but not ready for tomorrow's math test.
ANONYMOUS
Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
ANONYMOUS
Counting other people's sins does not make you a saint.
ANONYMOUS
All you need is love. And a tiara. And maybe a cookie.
ANONYMOUS
If hindsight of some women was as good as their foresight, they wouldn't be wearing slacks.
ANONYMOUS
You'll never find a rainbow if you're staring at your feet.
ANONYMOUS
Your body is a temple, but how long can you live in the same house before you redecorate.
ANONYMOUS
Morning sex: proven to be more effective than coffee.
ANONYMOUS
My alarm tells me you're in my house. My gun tells me not for long.
ANONYMOUS