My only hobby is laziness, which naturally rules out all others.
ANONYMOUS
When hell freezes over, I'll play hockey there too.
ANONYMOUS
Life has never given me lemons. It has given me anger issues, anxiety, a love for alcohol and a serious dislike for stupid people. But not lemons.
ANONYMOUS
He who dies with the most toys wins.
ANONYMOUS
Have patience. Everything is difficult before it is easy.
ANONYMOUS
Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
ANONYMOUS
Everyone is a reader.... Some just haven't found their book yet.
ANONYMOUS
If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.
ANONYMOUS
If hindsight of some women was as good as their foresight, they wouldn't be wearing slacks.
ANONYMOUS
I'm a nervous flyer, and it doesn't make it any easier when I get to the airport and see the sign TERMINAL.
ANONYMOUS
Your body is a temple, but how long can you live in the same house before you redecorate.
ANONYMOUS
We'll be friends until we're old and senile, then we'll be new friends.
ANONYMOUS
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
ANONYMOUS
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
ANONYMOUS
INSOMNIA = 1:51 A.M. + ETERNITY + 1:52 A.M. + ETERNITY + 1:53 A.M. + ETERNITY
ANONYMOUS
Sometimes when you think the storm is coming to rain on your parade, it's actually there to water your garden.
ANONYMOUS
Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking.
ANONYMOUS
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
ANONYMOUS
A liberal is a socialist with a wife and two children.
ANONYMOUS
Morning sex: proven to be more effective than coffee.
ANONYMOUS